Is there something you have to tell me?

The conversation usually goes something like this:

Me: Look at how cute she is (watching my 2-year-old niece)

My husband: Yep, pretty cute.

My mother-in-law: Is there something you have to tell me?

If my grandmother-in-law happens to be in the house, the conversation would continue like this:

Me: Yeah, right.  I don’t think so.

My husband: We already have one kid.  It’s called a dog.

My grandmother-in-law: You know, a dog can’t replace children.

Sometimes it’s not so obvious.  It might be a simple question like “Wouldn’t that be nice to have all the time?” when my husband is holding our niece.  Or maybe it’s a simple comment like, “You know, I have a lot more room for more grandbabies.”

If you’re like me, you know what I’m talking about.  It is the elephant in the room.  My husband and I have been married for five years now and – gasp – we don’t have kids.  It shouldn’t be this way.  The second women’s rights movement of the 70s made so many other options available for women.  We have the ability to work jobs we wouldn’t have been able to just 30 years ago.  We can stay home if we want.  We can go to work if we want.  But the stigma around childless women just hasn’t gone away.

I should say that married men are subject to this stereotyping as well.  My husband gets it from his mother as well.  But men without children are just strong leaders while women without children are dried up prudes. 

During this semester I tried talking with my class about women and childbearing.  We were talking about a character in a book who is pressured into having a child by her husband because it is the socially acceptable thing to do.  My kids seemed to think that this was something limited to other cultures.  I tried to get them to understand that this kind of thinking was still prevalent in our culture.  But they didn’t get it.  They think women have broken the glass ceiling and are flying high with all the power they now have. 

I have to blame some of this on religion and by extension, the “Sanctity of the Family” rhetoric by conservatives.  I did come across this little gem in a question and answer forum for Christians:

In Genesis 3:16 God spoke of childbearing in speaking of the chastening he would place on the woman to remind her of her sin. Childbearing, more than anything else, sets woman apart from man. If a woman recognizes this and treasures children as a precious gift of God, and if she willingly and gladly serves God in this unique function, in no clearer way can she show her acceptance of the role God has given her as woman. On the other hand, if she rejects this unique action God gave her, she shows her rebellion against God.

In other words, women who reject their God-given role of bearing children are sinning, while men are simply the poor saps who got married to these prudes.

I think I’ve had about enough.  I’ll have children when I damn well please, and not a moment before.  People like Britney Spears (and hundreds of other people I know who are breeding) are great arguments for why some people just shouldn’t have kids.  It’s a personal decision that should be kept personal and should be based on financial capability and the responsibleness of the parents-to-be, not societal norms.